Diagnosis (Part Two)

23/05/2025

'The meningitis had caused extensive injury to Jude’s brain, in particularly his right frontal lobe and his occipital lobe (vision control centre)'

The tension in the PICU was suffocating. Each time another seizure started I hoped that it would be the last, but they just kept coming despite the doctors working tirelessly to control them. Eventually, after what felt like a lifetime, the seizures became less frequent and finally ceased. The relief we felt was comforting, something we hadn’t felt for days. Although the comfort was short lived, as the Doctors explained Jude would be having an MRI of his brain, so they were able to determine the extent of damage that had been caused by the meningitis.

We watched as they wheeled Jude out of the PICU and down the hallway to radiology, there was an overwhelming cloud of pain and angst. Once again we felt as though we were saying goodbye to the baby we were only just getting to know for a short 24 days prior. The sick feeling in my stomach was deep and it felt like my insides were out. We tried so hard to stay positive, but deep down we knew that the MRI wasn’t going to bring the news we wanted to hear.

We walked out of that hospital in complete silence, the weight of the inevitable heavy between us and the fear that was overwhelming spoke for us. We went for a walk to try and distract ourselves from our thoughts and we found a small café, a quiet place, tucked away from the chaos. We sat at a table outside, our silence was suffocating and time stood still as we waited for that phone call from the hospital. All we could do in that moment was sit there together, hand in hand praying for our very own miracle.

As we walked back into PICU, I could already feel the heaviness in my heart, knowing that we were about to face yet another devastating truth. The Neurologist showed us Jude’s brain scans on a computer. Our hearts shattered as the words flooded from his mouth, they seemed to flow so freely. The meningitis had caused extensive injury to Jude’s brain, in particularly his right frontal lobe and his occipital lobe (vision control centre). It was suggested that Jude will likely have compromised motor functions, cognition, and overall development and that he will have severe vision loss.

Although Jude’s life was no longer in immediate danger, we were still fighting a battle that seemed beyond anything we could ever comprehend. In a split second, everything we had ever hoped and dreamed of for Jude and for our family was crushed. Our hearts were shattered for the life he may never get to live. We were now staring down the barrel of a future we were yet to try and understand.